pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize