just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
