Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
