im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
