I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i think i have herpe
just one?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize