Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
