HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
