I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
