I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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