What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
