Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I will pee on everything he values.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
