lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
