dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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