Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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