Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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