im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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