remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
