i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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