Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
