the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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