areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
