Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
