I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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