Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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