I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
