My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I lost the right to judge tonight
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
