My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
