go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
im holly from the hills drunk
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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