I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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