Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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