Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
