"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
this hospital has no fireball
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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