you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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