I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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