i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
