Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm too high and old for this...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
