Plan B is the new Plan A
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My ass is underappreciated
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
