So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
