that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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