you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
