the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
