ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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