my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
