i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
