I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
