Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
