i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize