Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize