and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
