my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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