the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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