kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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