I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
my poor anus
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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