I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
