I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
