I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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