That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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