I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
