i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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