I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
