There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
