I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
