Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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