I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
