You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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