he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
