but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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