I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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