I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
