he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
