She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
