i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
