stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
