actually, I'm a sock model
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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